Native North Carolinian

I’ve been reading one of my friends’ tweets this weekend with increasing interest. The man id driving himself a wee bit… well, let’s just say he is determined to find one of those new iPhones, but he is not having much luck. I think he has visited or called every store that could possibly stock them wiin a 50 miles radius. he’s even posted a picture or two of the empty shelves. Not being hip with the laatest tech doo-dads, like, ever, I find it difficult to empathize with his pain.

What about you? Do you always want the latest ipods, phones and games? And do you have good luck finding them?

It has been said by numerous people that the mating call of e southern female is the phrase “I’m sooooo dru-unk.” (In fact, it is such a standard that I occasionally say it to dh just to make him giggle.) However, there is another phrase that is spoken much more often, and in tones of great despair, especially in the summer. That phrase is “will you just look at this HA-AIR??!!” This phrase is almost always uttered as we grasp great chicks of the offending strand-y protein and shake it at our conversational partner.

It’s the humidity, see. A humidity so large and so strong, that even the best flat iron holds only until you step out the door. Smooth hair becomes frizzy, curly hair becomes flat, and big hair becomes small when confronted with the wall of air that is summertime in the South. That’s why you find dust on the light hold hair spray here. Who says everything has to remain a mystery?

Here in my small town, we have a little joke.  The name of our little city begins with aan L, and so we say we are “from the greater LA” or “from east LA”, where A stands for area.  We also roll our eyes at each other when we say it, although lately, we have rival traffic, and wish for the salaries that go with actual jobs in Los Angeles. Oh well.

Did I mention we laugh hysterically if someone actually hears the accent and still asks, “oh, California?” Yeah. We do.

That’s what my sleepy little own has done. I’ve told yo we have our own Wal-mart now, and tey are building a movie theatre and bowling alley. And we have enough restaurants now to eat out every night for a month and not have to repeat ourselves. I’m enjoying the extra shopping and the not needing a cell phone repeater, but I tell you –I have some complaints, too. The traffic is backed up almost all the time, and people are so rude now! And so close! And they talk all funny, and look at me as if *I* am the strange one. Are we absolutely sure that I have to take one to get the other?

Did you know that North Carolina is home to some incredibly talented furniture makers? I’m not talking about this modern furniture made of plastic and steel. Yeah, the shapes are intriguing, but in my mind, modern has nothing on classic. Give me wood furniture, lovingly crafted with old technique, just like you find in High Point and I’m a happy girl.

You know what else gets a work out in this heat? Our kitchen faucets. From making ice to drinking water, it seems the sink spends more time running than not. Now, I happen to be one of those weirdos who dislikes water. I just can’t help it! But even I find myself thinking of drinking more than my required two glasses these days.

I declare, one almost needs to be a fish to breathe here in the middle of the day, lately! So muggy! Add a little seaweed wrap, some massage therapy and an overpriced facial, and the whole eastern seaboard could be a spa!

Of course, it is kinda finny to think that people actually pay good money to sweat like a pig and breath hot wet air, when you can do it for free just by walking around the block.

We had reason to travel across the state this week, my mother, two of my girls and I, and I realized that I had not taught my kids nearly enough about North Carolina geography. We ended our trip near the foothills, and neither of them realized that there were mountains here. I took a few minutes to explain the coastal, plains and mountain regions of the state, but it’s clear I need to dig out a map, ykwim? Or go road tripping. Do you need travel insurance when you do that practically at home?

Well, imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning to find that it was sunny after all. I did get a camera card cleared like I said i was going to, but it’s too bright for outdoor shots just now. We’ll see how it is this evening. It’s not like medical diagnostics, at least when things have to be done at an exact time. I am giving myself the entire week as my window, but come next weekend, I want to be printing pictures.

So, since I know that it’s supposed to be greyish tomorrow, I have cleared a camera card to take portraits of the kiddos. This way, they won’t need to squint there eyes, but I can have good natural light for the shots. I imagine I will hang some blankets over the fence for backdrops, and maybe even use baby bedding for the younger ones. Look out walls, here come new pictures!